A Juicy Idea (of the O.J. Variety)

By Josh Lasser on November 15, 2006 • ( 2 )

Usually, I rant. Sometime I rave, but often I rant. Today it’s a little bit of each.

Have you seen this report from Zap2it? WHAT?!?! Really!?! O.J.’s actually going to do this? He’s truly going to sit down in front of TV cameras and say something along the lines of:

To be clear, I did not commit any murders. I didn’t particularly like Ron or my ex-wife, but I didn’t kill them. I did almost go to jail for it however, but I didn’t kill them. You see, the prosecutors made some huge mistakes. They presented a hypothetical series of events that was completely impossible. You see, even though I didn’t do it, let me just remind of you that right now, I know exactly how it could have happened if I had done it. If I had done it, and I didn’t do it by the way, I would have done it like this…

As stated in the article, this special is timed to coincide with his upcoming book, If I Did It. And let me just again say: really!?! This is how you’ve chosen to stay in the limelight, by thumbing your nose at the police, prosecutors, and families of the victims? I have to wonder if some of the money O.J. makes from the book, and presumably for sitting down for the interview, will be given to the Goldmans as part of the settlement from the civil suit. Is this whole thing one big joke on O.J.’s part? It this some sort of sense of irony he is exhibiting? Is the whole thing just in incredibly bad taste.

Strike that last question, it’s obviously in incredibly bad taste. But, on the other hand, and this has to be said. The interview could very well make for great television. I mean, it could be absolutely wonderful, stand up and cheer, train-wreck television. If O.J. doesn’t mince words, looks into the camera and explains, purely hypothetically of course, why the glove didn’t fit and then winks into the camera. That’s great television.

Okay, so you’re shocked, you’re acting aghast, you’re trying to deny what I’m saying. But, you can’t. You know I’m right. You can be as sickened and horrified and absolutely disgusted as you want, and you won’t be wrong feeling that way, but that doesn’t make it bad television. In fact, it’s ability to evoke such a strong reaction from you connotes its power to be great TV. This show could, possibly, eclipse Martin Bashir’s Living with Michael Jackson in the echelon of celebrity train-wreck television.

Imagine it, O.J. stands up in the middle of the interview and does a demonstration with the interviewer showing how, had he committed the murders, which of course he didn’t, he would have begun: “You see, Nicole couldn’t possibly have escaped me or fought back too much, it was Ron I would have had to have worried about. If I didn’t approach him correctly the entire thing could’ve gone south. So, [he motions to the interviewer] stand over here, if I’d done it I would’ve come up behind Ron like this [he stands behind and just to the right of the interviewer, grabs him around the neck with his left hand and brandishes a knife with his right]. Then all I would have had to have done his slit his throat, like so [he makes a throat slitting motion with the knife].”

And now you’re even more sickened, even more disgusted. And, you’re embarrassed to say it, you hate yourself for even thinking it, but you’re intrigued too.