I had a horrific realization last night, something that scared the utter bejesus out of me. I don’t want this to be true, but it is. Last night, watching The Office, I came to the inescapable conclusion that I am Dwight Schrute.   

We’re all trained in a Pavlovian fashion in some way. I don’t salivate for Altoids, but hypothetically I could. When people say things akin to a line from a movie or TV show, I can’t help but start to recite bits of the scene. I think the idea of tossing crashers from a wedding could be fun; not only that, but I absolutely look at people and completely misconstrue what is going on and jump to erroneous conclusions. Dwight knows what the Dharma Project is, or at the very least where the reference comes from. Dwight thinks everyone else should know about Dharma too, as do I.

In more general terms, Dwight is a quintessential outsider. He doesn’t want to be, he may not even realize that he is an outsider, but an outsider he is. Though Dwight sometimes deserves to be the butt of jokes, he gets more than his fair share of practical jokes played on him. Dwight is saddled as being a guy that gets things done, but in the end does more to annoy and to separate himself out and thus doesn’t get the respect that may otherwise be due him.

To be sure, I am in no way as extreme as Dwight in any respect, but the possibilities are all there. Given a slightly, and only slightly, different set of circumstances (and better people writing my life script), I’d be him exactly. 

I’d so much rather be Jim than Dwight. I see some of Jim in myself too, but I’m much more Dwight. I thank God I’m not Michael Scott, but it’s just sad that I’m not Jim. I’m so close, but I’m Dwight. That’s the brilliance of The Office, though. 

The quickly cancelled Hidden Hills had the slogan, “it’s like your life, only funnier.” That ought to be the slogan for The Office. We’re all there, somehow, each and every one of us is there. Even if we’re an amalgam of people. Me, I’m 85% Dwight, 10% Jim, and 5% Ryan. Man, would it be great to be Ryan and not Dwight. Sure, Kelly would totally get on my nerves, but then at least I wouldn’t be Dwight.

Who am I kidding? I’m a Dwight, and I'll probably always be a Dwight.

I have to stop bringing my own water to work. Maybe that would help.