I am not going to lie to you, I would love to go on The Amazing Race.  Seriously, this is not just another part of my unhealthy obsession with 30 Rock (or, more accurately, their unhealthy obsession with me).  I would love to go on… a race around the world.

Make no mistake, I never will.  I will never even apply to go on The Amazing Race.  Sure, if they were to contact me and beg (or even ask politely) I would, but I would never go out and apply.

Do watch the people on the show?  They come off looking like terrible human beings.  I choose whom to root for based solely on which group bothers me the least.  I know that if I went on the show, I would be one of the bad people.  I would be a yeller and a screamer and come off looking like a total tool. 

Look at last night's episode and the team of Lorena and Jason.  It said right there on the clue for “Milking It,” the task in which one person a team had to milk a camel to stay quiet and calm.  The clue said that the camels would spook if you didn't.  Lorena, already high-strung, ended up with a camel that she had trouble milking.  She cried and screamed and yelled.  Needless to say (but I'm going to anyway), her difficulties with the camel only increased when she began to lose her cool.  Now, here's why I can't go on the show.  If I was Jason I very well may have completely lost it.  I would have been livid, completely and totally livid with Lorena.  Is she that dumb?  Is she that stupid?  Does she not want to win so badly that she completely does the opposite of what they're told to do?  How Jason didn't completely lose it with her I have no idea.

Actually, I'd most likely end up exactly like Ronald, the father of the father-daughter pair.  I wouldn't necessarily get the hernia, but I would absolutely, every time my partner did any little thing wrong, criticize.  He doesn't mean to, I'm sure he doesn't mean to, it's just who he is.  He does it with a good heart and wanting only the best for his daughter, but he criticizes anyway.  I feel bad every time I see him get upset because I know he doesn't mean it, it just happens. 

So, there it is.  Producers of The Amazing Race, are you looking for someone who would yell and get angry and make a fool of themselves on camera no matter what kind of person they might be in reality?  Yeah, that's me.  However, I'm never going to apply, so there.